WARNING: my blog may trigger you, scroll at own risk <3 I am not Pro ana nor Pro mia i am just an average girl who wants to share her thoughts an feelings, this is just me at the moment
what the fuck is wrong? bulimic with anorexic tendencies. complex PTSD. Depression. Borderline personality disorder. Anxiety and finally OCD i have in the past had psychosis but that is no longer in my diagnosis :) Talk to me about anything id love to talk!
Well actually no I’m not but I can’t help if my illnesses (mental and physical ) need me to be hospitalised. Wht do you want me to do? Just sit at home and die? x
People can be so horrible, just like the one I’m about to post
No I’m not I’m just sick of being sick. And the tubes the only thing that keeps me medically stable. An example is. They took the tube out yesterday and so I had no feed or fluid and now my body didn’t cope so I’ve ended up in icu.
Update - not replying to asks though as I’m too tired from sedation
Today has being such a shit day to say the least. I’m now back in the HDU high dependency mental health unit.
Now they took my tube out and they are saying if I don’t eat or drink or carry on with how I was doing on medical ward you will end up back here then ill go back to HDU and then come back. How the FUCK is that fair on me. I don’t want I be moving all the time and now basically there just waiting till I’m sick enough to go back to medical ward. Why couldn’t they have me on the medical ward still? So I’m not going back and forth
Anyways so I’m a bit upset but my ed is like ‘yay the tubes out at least you can lose more weight now’ but the rational part in my head knows I need the tube atm as my oral intake is minimum and not enough to live off and not drinking and eating makes POTS (well at least mine) 100x worse…
It was Junctional arterial tachycardia arythmia but it was a wrong diagnoses
It is POTS (postural orthastatic tachycardia syndrome) so i don’t know if its exactly a ‘heart condition’ but its to do with the heart…
No it’s not but my bulimia and restricting make it worse…
Beautiful day outside :) now just waiting for fliss (this-life-will-be-ours) and Kirsty (makemehealthyplease) to come visit :)
Tammy the PCA (personal care assistant) is so kind, she doesn’t really understand my eating disorder all that much but she is so lovely to talk to - she just comes into my room and gives me hugs and chats- anyway yesterday she brought me a block of chocolate :s I ate two squares though!!
Yesterday I taught my nurse special (whom I’ve had from three days ) to knit. We literally had a knitting war. I had 35 stitches and she had 20 to knit - guess who won hehe me :p she gets me like she’s known me for ages, it’s so nice to have that connection :)